Weapons of Mass (Diet) Destruction

We all have them. It doesnt matter how well we're doing, or how religiously we've been to the gym. Some diet sabotages are just unavoidable. And the worst ones? The pleasant people that you want to like, but have to hate because they're so nice. Take for example your totally fit friend who guzzles down beer like an infant takes to breastfeeding. I mean, it's highly unlikely she endures the mental struggle of getting her ass to the treadmill, and even less likely that she even knows what a carb is. Fucker. Then there is the kryptonite food. And God help you if its inexpensive! Lucky for me, my finer taste in overpriced food prevents me from going too crazy. We all have that one delicious treat that lurks in the back of our mind, secretly creeping into our thoughts throughout the day. Before long, you're like a total crack feign, planning on how and when you can get your hands on it. The uncontrollable "need" causes you to go into a full Apollo 13 mission. Ugh! Oh, and another WMDD (weapon of mass diet destruction) are good old fashioned frankenfoods. You know what these are. They hang out in the "diet" section of the grocery store--packages of sugar-free, fat-free goodies that look and smell just like the real thing...only upon actually forking over the ridiculous fee for the item do you learn it was a farce and the "diet alternative" tastes strikingly like carboardy dog-food. (That's you, walden farms, food products!) Really though, maybe I'm the idiot for getting conned into believing that a "Fat-free" "calorie-free" "Sugar-free" peanut butter can actually exist. I mean really? It's peanut butter...it's practically synonomous with fattening. The cliche, "If it's to good to be true, then it probably is" comes to mind. While I hardly have to explain this one, it's certainly no secret that booze ranks high on the list. What DOESN'T look good at two-thirty in the morning after a liquor-fueled saturday night? Chinese leftovers, peanut butter totally scooped right out of the jar, and cold pizza...SUPERSIZE ME! So, it seems, alcohol not only has the proclivity to induce bad choices regarding MEN, but it also may do so with food. Lovely. I'm not sure if this one goes for anybody else, but my car seems to be quite a culprit for snacking (read: bingeing). I would be seriously embarrassed if anyone could telepathically read the mental struggle that goes on in my mind anytime I pass a store that sells nuts in bulk. Two things: 1) Somehow buying nuts by the weight hijacks my psyche (and resolve) into believing that if I only buy a small amount, its impossible to overdo it. Wrong. I know better. I know my self, well enough to know that when I want something, I'm going to have it, even if it means marching right back in a half hour later and buying another bag of $0.90 macadamia nuts..shameful, i tell ya. 2) I have been disillusioned to think that if I consume something in my car, it's calories magically disappear, and it doesnt really count. wrong again. Really though? Can't we go back to elementary school where there's do overs and chance-y's? Apparantly, my thighs seem to think not.

In thinking about my own weapons of mass diet destruction, i have to admit they are pretty sneaky. It's kinda ridiculous that while I remain completely aware, I refuse to duck and cover...err, I mean avoid these sabotages at all costs. No, that would be to easy, and who likes to do things the easy way? As the past would prove, CERTAINLY not me. Learn from my mistake so I don't fail myself once again? What fun would THAT be? Oh, right I wouldn't know. But as soon as I do, I'll let ya know.

Allergies

We all have reactions to different people and circumstances. When our reaction is negative, or anything less than satisfactory, i think it's an internal volcanic eruption signaling "sucky"...so here's what I'm allergic to:

1) Carbs. They make me break out in fat.

2) People who drop the f-bomb way to much. Diahrea forms in my eardrums.

3) Complainers/Whiners. I get an irritating headache which results in bitch-out backlash.

Just had to shed a few of my rants. What are you allergic to?

The Gospel according to Erin

The Ten Commandments of Love, Life and everything in between.

1) The whole, "Nothing is perfect" couldn't be more off. Instead, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. It's all a matter of perspective. Things are what we make them, and perception is everything. I know, I know, hardship by its very nature is hard. Translation..sucky. BUT, and there is a but, the silver lining of hardship is always growth. and that is good. So maybe your too-tight skinny jeans don't feel perfect, but its motivation to get into fighting form. A swift kick in the ass never feels fun at first, but look closer. Look deeper. Because when you only see the surface, it's pretty tough to not be shallow.

2) God didn't create the world in a day. So don't expect yourself to be able to either. It's all about babysteps, guys. Doing small things everyday to bring you closer to your goal seems tedious. I of all people am a "NOW" kinda gal. I want results immediately. I'm all about the bing, bang, zoom. Pump out a 10 page paper in one sitting--no sweat. Spend a whole Sunday doing laundry--fine. But maybe it's not so all-or-nothing. It's simple. Our lives are a masterpiece. OUR masterpiece. Do you really want to rush through it so that something is on the canvas? Or would taking time to perfect it be a better representation? So don't rush the process, take each day one watercolored brush-stroke at a time.

3) Dating and Mating. It's a dangerous duo. But if there's one thing I've learned it's: Never give away more of yourself, than you can afford to lose. Dating is fun, pretty low steaks, but throw in mating (sorry mom) and get ready to up the ante. Committing to someone takes a certain level of security, not only in the other person, but more importantly in yourself. I've found it very difficult to love someone, when I'm consumed with hating myself. So the take away? Before being able to be happy with someone else, make sure you're happy with yourself. It may not be the perfect yellow brick road to success, but it's certainly better than a traffic-jammed freeway commute.

...alright, my creative mojo is weaning so rather than half-ass my thoughts onto this post I'm going to resume tomorrow. Even Moses took his time before God slated His 10!

Fortunately

It amazes me how easy it is to take things for granted. How often do we go about life, doing or even COMPLAINING about the day-today? Sometimes it takes losing something to fully appreciate how much we actually value it. Today my knee hurt. really bad. Just as I was getting back into the swing of running, a chore I typically bitch and moan about doing, I fell captive to a bum knee that throbbed and ached with every step I took today. It made me think, "Wow, all those times I complained about having to go to the gym..all those times I angrily cursed the treadmill..." What I wouldn't give to be able to have a full run. At this point, my usual protest of being too tired would be welcomed over the shooting pain that pulsed through my knee. As I begrudgingly hobbled off the treadmill, I wished (prayed) for a pain-free knee. I tried to bargain with God by mentally promising not to complain again if only He would heal my knee. Turns out the gym isn't a swap meet, and God isn't a geenie. But He is a good teacher. Maybe the lesson wasn't about running at all. I took away a message about gratitude. Instead of blindly operating throughout my day, I decided it was time to take inventory of my blessings. Take our cars for example. How often do we buckle up and stress about the gas tank, or complain about the mess in the backseat? Imagine how much more difficult life would be WITHOUT the luxury of a car. Thank GOODNESS I have a vehicle that operates. Without it, how would I get to work? Run errands to the grocery store? All the little mundane things that require us to get from point "A" to point "B". Wow, all of a sudden having a dirty car seems pretty insignificant in the grand scope of things. In true self-help form I forced myself to think of 20 things I take for granted and list them....So here they are

1) My healthy, functioning body (knees included)

2) My car

3) Computer

4) Cell phone

5) Fridge

6) Couch (If you knew me when i lived on Missouri St. you'd know that actual furniture is a big step up from my minimalist beach chair motif)

7) eyes--God, I love reading, I'd be screwed without my vision!

8) My bank account--humble yes, but adequate

9)Shoes--being barefoot all day would make for one hell of a long day

10) Clear..ish skin--don't know how pretty your skin is until its covered in zits--gross, i know. but true.

11) Arms--yes they may be fat, but I'm sure glad I have two arms to help me haul all my crap

12) My mind--although sometimes it works against me, I am so thankful I have all of my faculties and can process the world around me.

13) Love..'nough said

14) Mentors--Who knows how hard life would be without someone to ask and answer questions.

15) Health insurance.

16) my computer!!!!

17) ipod--it would take at least twice the motivation to get me to the gym without it.

18) my apartment...i love coming home to what's MINE

19) My bed--totally comfy and welcoming after a long day.

20) God--Even when ego causes me to lose sight, I can always count on God to stick around.

So, take some inventory. What are the "needs" in your life? What would it be like without them? It goes along with being present, but I challenge you to take an hour of the day to focus on what you do, what you use, what you depend on--and appreciate that which makes them possible. It shouldn't take losing something for us to start appreciating it. Now go out there are appreciate your heart out!

What is "right"?

There are some days where its as if everything just makes complete and total sense. There is order, reason behind the day--and advantage to the present circumstance. But there are also other days. Days when you question EVERYTHING. Days when what made total sense a mere 24 hours ago, is completely cast into question at the present. So how do you know if the present circumstance is "right"? Is there some sort of life measuring stick that tells you your right on track? And if your not on track, does shit have to totally hit the fan before you wake up and get your ass in gear? What does it take?

Well, for me--I wonder that very thing. Am i wasting the blessings I've got? I think the real answer to whether or not a person is on track lies precisely on their happiness barometer. Am I as happy as I want to be? If not, why NOT? What is it that keeps me from being 100% satisfied, and why am I not just reaching out and grabbing it? Is it really that simple? What if what makes you happy can't be acquired by simply flipping a switch---do you have to spend the interim being miserable? Maybe happiness lies in the process. Maybe it's not some linear equation that unfolds nice and systematically. Maybe, just maybe, real happiness is in the REACH toward "happiness" (Whatever that maybe for someone) rather than the actually "happiness" itself. What if, it were possible to draw happiness towards you like a magnet by simply enjoying the process. SO maybe you have to force yourself at first, fake like trying really hard is actually a load of fun...fool yourself into loving the journey than fantasizing about the finish line. Afterall, the finishline is only as great as the road leading up to it. Do the "right" thing.

Choices

Choices

In some ways the most basic human function can be seen as making choices. When stopping to consider the millions of choices we make in a day, it is remarkable and quite impressive to see how our attitude and perception might mitigate our actions. From deciding to sleep in to choosing to be kind----we become "mind-managing" machines. So, it seems, if our minds control our behaviors, what controls our minds? Is it past experience? Intuition? Luck? What causes some of us to do one thing while others another? And what makes some choices "good" while others are "bad"? Who gets to decide that? Is it the same for everyone, or person-specific? Well, when it comes to the self (where I think it must FIRST begin), I think that each individual bears an internal compass, guiding them in the direction that offers the best route for the greater good. . The choices we make, or fail to make, often leave us with a certain sensation that either pleases or displeases us. So ,how do we control which direction our compass points? For me, it has to start with listening. Perhaps this is the most difficult starting place. I wish i could say that my regrettable choices were simply a matter of not KNOWING what was right for the situation....but that would be a cop-out. Instead, I am usually slightly (if not wholly) aware of what is in my best interest, I just lack the complacency to exercise the necessary patience or persistence. Maybe intuition is like a muscle, the more you listen and trust it, the stronger and more reliable it becomes. I guess this could be considered the mental weight-lifting of our souls. Never easy to start, but as you strengthen the weight eases up and so do our minds. Have a good day everyone. And dont forget, only YOU can make tat choice ;)

flow

To be in "flow" sounds like some sort of flowery state of being-something professed by self-help gurus, suggesting that people follow their passion and pursue their destiny. Certainly the IDEA of flow sounds pleasant and simple.... but is it really as easy as that? As a child, doing what you love seems to come so naturally. It is as simple as putting on a soccer uniform or tickling the keys of a piano--eerily free of self-doubt and subsequent sabotage. Nothing to remind you of the risk of failure. As an adult, it seems as though doing what I love is no longer quite so risk-free. After having moderate amounts of success throughout my school career and now as a working professional, I have grown comfortable with the feeling of being "good" at what I do. I find a certain ease in resting assured my efforts will be applauded...with either a pay check or pat on the back. In a way, I feel safe. Safe in knowing that what i do is not connected to me. It is not an extension of my heart, the way that my true passion, writing is. I'd be willing to bet there are more people out there that find safety behind the shield of doing what gets them by, rather than what they're passionate about. Pursuing your passion is taking a risk-- it's leaving the guarantee of today in search of the pleasure of tomorrow. Stepping away from your safety net and jumping off the high dive of adult life into the pool of passion is a little bit like losing your virginity. It's a time when you stand metaphorically naked, hoping that others see and validate your efforts--showing you that indeed you ARE as good as you had thought. Pursuing what you love to do is like stepping out on a limb and hoping the branch doesnt snap below your footing and leave you crashing down towards the eons of self-doubt you've backlogged over the years. Its giving it a shot, doing your best and being entirely vulnerable in the process. Vulnerability seems to be a paralizing fear for may of us. What if I'm not as good as i thought? What if no one sees value in what i do? What if i just don't cut it? And on and on, until you come to the ultimate conclusion of how to avoid all of those what-if's....What if I just don't ever try. So there we sit. In the comfort of never failing. In the comfort of never being naked. Always covered up and buttoned in security. But does there ever come a point when the wardrobe just seems to tight? What will it take for us to look in the mirror and shed our starched garments for the curve of sensual vulnerability? I don't know. But I'm going to find out. One blog at a time.