Weapons of Mass (Diet) Destruction

We all have them. It doesnt matter how well we're doing, or how religiously we've been to the gym. Some diet sabotages are just unavoidable. And the worst ones? The pleasant people that you want to like, but have to hate because they're so nice. Take for example your totally fit friend who guzzles down beer like an infant takes to breastfeeding. I mean, it's highly unlikely she endures the mental struggle of getting her ass to the treadmill, and even less likely that she even knows what a carb is. Fucker. Then there is the kryptonite food. And God help you if its inexpensive! Lucky for me, my finer taste in overpriced food prevents me from going too crazy. We all have that one delicious treat that lurks in the back of our mind, secretly creeping into our thoughts throughout the day. Before long, you're like a total crack feign, planning on how and when you can get your hands on it. The uncontrollable "need" causes you to go into a full Apollo 13 mission. Ugh! Oh, and another WMDD (weapon of mass diet destruction) are good old fashioned frankenfoods. You know what these are. They hang out in the "diet" section of the grocery store--packages of sugar-free, fat-free goodies that look and smell just like the real thing...only upon actually forking over the ridiculous fee for the item do you learn it was a farce and the "diet alternative" tastes strikingly like carboardy dog-food. (That's you, walden farms, food products!) Really though, maybe I'm the idiot for getting conned into believing that a "Fat-free" "calorie-free" "Sugar-free" peanut butter can actually exist. I mean really? It's peanut butter...it's practically synonomous with fattening. The cliche, "If it's to good to be true, then it probably is" comes to mind. While I hardly have to explain this one, it's certainly no secret that booze ranks high on the list. What DOESN'T look good at two-thirty in the morning after a liquor-fueled saturday night? Chinese leftovers, peanut butter totally scooped right out of the jar, and cold pizza...SUPERSIZE ME! So, it seems, alcohol not only has the proclivity to induce bad choices regarding MEN, but it also may do so with food. Lovely. I'm not sure if this one goes for anybody else, but my car seems to be quite a culprit for snacking (read: bingeing). I would be seriously embarrassed if anyone could telepathically read the mental struggle that goes on in my mind anytime I pass a store that sells nuts in bulk. Two things: 1) Somehow buying nuts by the weight hijacks my psyche (and resolve) into believing that if I only buy a small amount, its impossible to overdo it. Wrong. I know better. I know my self, well enough to know that when I want something, I'm going to have it, even if it means marching right back in a half hour later and buying another bag of $0.90 macadamia nuts..shameful, i tell ya. 2) I have been disillusioned to think that if I consume something in my car, it's calories magically disappear, and it doesnt really count. wrong again. Really though? Can't we go back to elementary school where there's do overs and chance-y's? Apparantly, my thighs seem to think not.

In thinking about my own weapons of mass diet destruction, i have to admit they are pretty sneaky. It's kinda ridiculous that while I remain completely aware, I refuse to duck and cover...err, I mean avoid these sabotages at all costs. No, that would be to easy, and who likes to do things the easy way? As the past would prove, CERTAINLY not me. Learn from my mistake so I don't fail myself once again? What fun would THAT be? Oh, right I wouldn't know. But as soon as I do, I'll let ya know.