Me?

Today while anxiously driving home, trying to avoid the temptation to text-while-driving, I got to thinking about why ANYONE would ever want to date me for longer than an hour. Hmmm, I thought to myself. I can totally understand why guys in a bar would buy me a drink and throw casual conversation my way in an effort to bed me, but date me? Well, now that's a mystery. If i were of the opposite sex I would expect a girlfriend who, say, cooks awesome dinners, and shaves her legs daily, while always remaining quite the lady. But no. Not I. So, to get to the bottom of this mystery, I made a pro/con list. And here's what I got:

1) Con: I don't cook, clean, or do laundry. Domesticity is just not my bag.

It's true I'm afraid. I HATE the thought of operating any devices in my kitchen other than my microwave and my coffee maker. If it were socially acceptable, I would live in a house that doesnt even have a kitchen. Truth be told, I think it'd be a better use of space if it were converted into a closet. But that's me.

2) Pro: I can party and handle my shit. I'm not one of those girls you'll find slumped over a toilet in a bar come last call. No, sir. I've got class. I can go round for round with the best of 'em. And better yet, I'll still manage to get to work on time the next day. Maybe even the gym too. I am all about raging my little face off, but i know how to balance it. Work hard, play hard.

3) Con: I'm moody, neurotic, and a little overwhelming---all rolled into one. I have days when I'm up, down, left, right, and everywhere in between. Boring, I am not. I love to be spontaneous and my big-ass mouth has a penchant for getting me into trouble. I call 'em like I see 'em. Even if it lands me in deep shit (which, more often than not, does). Don't like your boob job? I'll let ya know. Perhaps its a good thing: With me, you'll never have to wonder. I have no fear of speaking me mind.

4) Pro: I've got spunk. Yup, opinions flow through my veins like oxygenated blood. I am pretty sure that I'm genetically encoded to be outspoken. I'm confident that someday scientists will discover a gene on the 21st chromosome for: outrageous, and if I'm lucky, they'll name it after me. I drink vodka and spit fire.

5) Con: I can be very self-centered. Anyone who has shared a meal with me knows...that last bite on our plate--consider it MINE! Don't get me wrong, I love to share and I'm all about the koom-by-yah, but in the words of my idol: "Sometimes I'm a superbitch." And if you're fucking with something that's near and dear to me (like say, shrimp) I'm gunning for the last morsel.

6) Pro: When I love ya, I'll give you my left arm. I can be loyal to a fault. I will lie, cheat, and throw blows for those I love. Unless I'm fighting with someone I love, in which case I'm still probably too stubborn to back down, but give me an hour---I'll cool down and come around. I always do.

6) Con: I'm obsessive. I know it sounds crazy, but I love to kick my own ass. Yup, self-torture (the gym) is right up my alley. The more it hurts, the harder I go. Could it be? Am I a...sadist?

7) Pro: I dont quit. I'm not a quitter. I don't care what it is, determination is like my crack. I will try, and try, and try until I freakin get it. Learning to ride a two-wheel bike? I've got the scarred knees to prove it. Running a half marathon? Victory T-shirt is in my (dirty) laundry. When I set my mind to it, I'm stubborn as shit. And if seeing you happy is my goal, rest assured I won't stop until I get it.

8) pro?/con? I'm an artist. I think deep, dream big, and color outside the lines. I give good love and I demand it. I party like a man and fuck like a woman (sorry mom).

Ok, so what do you think? Want to date me? It ain't easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is... right?